Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
