I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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