She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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