Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
