Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
