My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
