If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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