I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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