Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
