I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
she told me i tasted like america
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
