You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
