i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
