also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Randomize
