Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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