Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
