Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
