Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
