i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
