My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
