I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
