6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
