I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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