ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
