How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
