my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
