Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
