Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
