Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
