i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
