how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
