Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
