I wannas sexs uuuuu
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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