That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
