It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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