Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize