Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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