Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
