so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
