i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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