I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
