I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
