i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
