Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
