I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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