hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
