Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
