im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
