I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
