My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
