this beer tastes like vomit already
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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