her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
