I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
