we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
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