Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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