Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
