just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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