all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
