So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
