On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you win again, gameday.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
