I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
