Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
