God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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