Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
There's always time for handjobs
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
