cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
