i permit you to call me
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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