Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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