Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
