when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
